One of the questions on a dating profile asks:
A good relationship should not require hard work. The answer options are:
a) True b) False
What is your answer?
I think that a good relationship requires that each person does the “right” things for the other person to feel loved and feel valued but I don’t think that it is necessarily hard work, although it requires effort and awareness. But first of all, the basic foundations of a relationship must be in place.
I held some interviews/conversations with various people/couples about those deeper layers in the relationships we attract in our lives and one of my several conclusions is that we attract what is within our inner world – and that inner world is a work in progress – which may explain why we attract various types of people in our lives at different time periods.
How does your partner reflect your inner world? Is your inner world full of turmoil, anger, fear, love, compassion… are you driven by your ego or are you driven to create a beautiful relationship?
During one interview, here is an example of how this played out:
Woman: “Every time he goes out, he finds some woman to give his phone number to and before you know it, he is texting her all the time and then he has an affair with her!”
Man: “Can’t I just talk to other people? I don’t see anything wrong with that!”
After a more probing discussion, the following things emerged which brought to the surface both of their inner worlds. I asked each of them:
“When you look at your partner, do you see him/her in your future? Can you see yourself waking up with him/her every day and enjoying each other’s company?
His answer was “No”. His inner world had not yet made a commitment to himself to be with this woman (then how could he commit to her?.) His inner world was still exploring new relationships and as a result he kept on attracting these other women in his life at both a subconscious level and a conscious level. He put on a mask of being busy, working hard and providing the financial security that she needs and which feeds his ego as being a good provider.
Her answer was: “Not if he continues to behave like this. I don’t trust him!”
“Why don’t you trust him?” I asked.
She explained with bitterness that since she met him, there was always another woman in the relationship. Her inner world does not trust him. Her lack of trust in him makes her keep careful track of his whereabouts, monitors his phone, nags at him and is suspicious of his whereabouts when he is not with her. Her constant frantic thoughts of him being with someone else actually creates the self-fulfilling prophesy in inviting affairs in his life as she accuses him of it daily.
Since he cannot commit himself, within his own heart and soul to her and she cannot trust him completely, no matter how hard they work at having a home, having children, building a business…. neither one of them will enjoy the relationship in a holistic and complete way. The soul will be left thirsty. They may chose to remain together for financial security and family connections but after years and years of being in this type of relationship, it can take a huge emotional toll on a person’s health.
In another interview, one woman who had just met a new person said, “I feel completely safe and secure in his presence. I trust him completely with my life.” Her inner world is one which trusts life and trusts her intuition. She brings what is good and worthy in her life and sees the good in other people. His inner world is comfortable being in her presence too because he too is trusting of himself. The merging of those two inner worlds create opportunities to be harmonious together whether in a love relationship or as friends.
TuneIn today to your inner world? Are your experiences in life mirroring what you deeply believe? Look at your actions and who you attract in your life… if you feel that you are not happy with the current status quo, take a moment to go deeper into your soul. Do you feel worthy of receiving genuine, sincere love? Are you wearing a mask with a superficial happy attitude, beautiful clothes, parties, lots of friends etc… to cover what is really going on? StepUp to remove the mask. Somewhere beneath the mask, your soul is longing for you to have the courage to be authentic and true to yourself. All that you need to live your soul journey will be provided to you.
Look out for tomorrow’s post on how we can increase the positive energy within our inner world:)