Valentine’s Day! Hummmm, how do I celebrate it? As you read this, imagine this bouquet coming straight to you from me, with all the love in my heart. You can accept it and keep it or you can accept it and give it to someone you love!
The last year has been a bit sticky for Sara and Hucks relationship because of unfulfilled expectations last Valentine’s Day. He gave her a vacuum for Valentine’s Day and although she uses it every single day, she has not forgiven him for not celebrating Valentine’s Day properly. He is baffled – simply does not get how a vacuum cleaner was not a proper gift! Sara on the other hand organized a spa day for the two of them which he had no interest in. She ended up doing it by herself and felt and quite loverless at the spa.
What did she really want for Valentine’s Day?
Red roses, wine, candles, perfume, to be taken out for a romantic dinner, some more time cuddling and making love, dancing to some sweet lovers music, a spa day! She wanted to be romanced. Guys – Take note – I don’t think you can ever go wrong with roses and chocolates, especially if you send them to her workplace. (so I have been told)
What did he really want?
Nothing for himself but he wanted to give her something useful that would last for a long time so she would always remember it… and of course some great sex. He thinks the Valentine’s Day “thing” is just too much! Ladies – Take Note – Intimacy is the way to a man’s Valentines’ Night. (so I have been told!)
When you analyze it more logically – it seems almost senseless that unfulfilled expectations in one day could have such an impact on their relationship for the entire year. They both did something for each other – it is just that they did not meet each other’s expectations. A vacuum cleaner is 100 times more expensive that a dozen roses and a 1000 times more useful! How could someone not grab it and be ecstatic! How could Huck not know his wife would love some flowers instead? A day at the spa is quite heavenly just thinking about it but Huck does not like his body being touched by anyone except his wife. How could Sara not know that?
How do we manage each other’s expectation around sensitive matters like this? Maybe we should have a conversation instead of assuming we know what will turn on the other person?
There is quite a hype around those celebrations that it creates expectations for fairy tales that can’t always happen – and when the fairy tales don’t happen, someone gets disappointed. What breaks a person’s heart is not feeling “thought about in a special way” and if you don’t know your partner/spouse well enough, you may not hit the target. When we do not feel validated or special, it manifests into other “unspoken” problems.
Valentine’s Day is coming up soon – TuneIn and StepUp to your partner’s desires and do something that will mean something special for him/her. Give, not what YOU think is a useful thing but rather what represents a simple gesture of romance that you know will make him/her feel special. The “Feeling Special” part is the key! Sometimes, just a simple evening walk or a note/card to say “I love you”,taking her/him out for lunch, adds an extra light touch to the relationship. I used to cut hearts, write a message on it and pin it to my husband’s shirt and to the kid’s school uniforms in the morning as they left the house. They all loved it.
Living in Canada, I can see the cultural issues that can arise from these celebrations, as Valentine’s Day is not celebrated in every country or culture. My simple but not necessarily correct view is to acknowledge it as an opportunity to celebrate love and create another beautiful memory for our soul journey. Who does not want to be loved? Who does not want to add more joy to his /her partner’s/loved ones lives? And guess what – it is not all about lovers! Celebrate it with your kids, family, girlfriends, guy friends,colleagues, parents – it all about spreading love and adding a bit more flavour to what could be another ordinary day! I will be baking a heart-shaped cake for my family and we will have a wonderful dessert. I can’t wait!
What does Valentine’s Day mean to you? How do you celebrate it? What is your best and worst memories? Do share with us.
Here are a couple of articles about Valentine’s Day gift ideas and saying “I love You” without words, which I enjoyed reading.
Plan a wonderful Valentine’s Day! Maybe it does not have to be a day – why not a week of giving love to as many people as you can! It will all come back to you…